Prison Cell Conversation

Conversation in a prison cell:

'What are you in for?' one prisoner asks the other.

'For nothing. This is the third time I've landed in a bit of trouble. The first time they put me in was in 1924 just after Lenin died. I was working in a factory then. Some commissar came to read us a lecture. "The death of Comrade Lenin," he said, "it's a national grief.

All the factories have closed and there are a hundred thousand wreaths ..." And I said to him: "Comrade Commissar, for that money, never mind Lenin, you could bury the whole party . . ." They gave me ten years!

'Well I served my ten years, came out and got another job in a factory. Then Stalin died, there was a change of government and Beria was shot. And as soon as this was reported in the newspapers the party organizer said to me: "Ivanov, go and take down that bandit's portrait." But we had an awful lot of portraits hanging up in the factory. And I asked, "Which one?" That put me in the second time.

'For a second time I came out and thought to myself, "This time I won't be caught saying a word ... I won't get involved in politics again." And there I was on the First of May marching with the other workers from our factory. They shoved a pole with Krushchev's portrait into my hand and said to carry it. Well, they told me to carry it, so I carried it. But behind me there was this drunk who kept treading on my heels.

I said to him once, "Stop treading on my feet." I told him a second time, then when he kept on I turned around and said, "If you tread on my feet once more you bastard I'll beat shit out of you with the clown on this stick . . ."I got three years . . .'

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