One Liners

What would happen if Stalin rose from the dead?

Krushchev would outstrip America.

What does two times two make?

Whatever the Party says.

A KGB interrogator asks a suspect: 'Which of my eyes is artificial? If you guess right I'll let you go.' 'The left one,' replies the suspect. 'How did you guess?' marvels the interrogator. 'It has a kindly look about it.'

How do you relate to the Soviet government?

Like a wife: part habit, part fear and wish to God I had a different one.

Two Muscovites meet.

'How's life?'

'Fantastic.'

'Do you read the papers?'

'Of course! How else would 1 know?'

Yesterday in Moscow an attempt was made on Comrade Brezhnev's life by an unidentified assailant. The bullet penetrated the bullet-proof car window, hit Comrade Brezhnev on the forehead, ricocheted and killed the driver. Tass communique

What sort of a job should you take, so as never to be unemployed?

Climb up on the Kremlin wall and watch for the approach of Communism.

How's life?

Like a bus trip, one's driving and the rest shaking.

How can you ensure that your refrigerator is always full of food?

Plug it into Radio Moscow.

Brezhnev had a nightmare: a Czech was sitting in Red Square eating matzos — with chopsticks.

A man ran through the streets of Moscow shouting: 'Krushchev is a swine!'

He was seized and given twenty-one years: one year for defamation, and twenty years for leaking state secrets.

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